Boston Anger turns into Marathon Goal

Monday, April 15, 2013: I’m stunned, shocked and nauseous. A bomb going off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon – not possible, mind boggling. I am a blur of thoughts. I have been thinking about running Boston for such a long time and now the goal seems so insignificant. Thinking of the runners expecting to finish a race and hearing an explosion and seeing smoke and blood. I don’t know what I would do. And the cheering spectators holding signs of encouragement – if someone had come to see me and was hurt – I couldn’t bear it.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 – I don’t feel like running.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013 – Feeling slightly better about running. I am resolved to continue my quest for Boston. I plod through the run this morning, and finish with determination and anger.

I am so sorry for the people, ‘at the wrong place at the wrong time’ – young lives lost for no reason. That makes me the most angry. How does someone decide to do hurt and kill people?

I’m sad.

Vancouver Marathon May 5, 2013

I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to run a Boston qualifying time after losing my spirit. But the day was stunning and the people were cheering and the pace bunny was always within view. I ran with ease and my goal in mind – Boston. I wasn’t going to be afraid or sad. I wasn’t going to let 2 pathetic humans ruin an event that brings out the best in people.

If they had been runners, they would never have done what they did. Whatever frustrations they felt would have been erased with a running goal. Their minds would have been filled with challenge and accomplishment rather than hate and destruction.

I made my Boston qualifying time and if I register successfully, I hope to be in Boston in 2014.

Keep running…

‘Chi’ – feeling its sway

(chi = ‘life energy’)

What is ‘life energy’?

Breath? Effort? Will? Ease? A combination of all these elements stirred gently.

‘Chi’ as Applied to Running

That’s been my problem – I haven’t stirred these elements gently. I have been using the word ‘push’ as in ‘push to make my time’, which after reading an article on ‘ChiRunning‘, I understand that it should be banned from my vocabulary. ‘Pushing’ goes against the ‘chi running’ technique of less effort while executing a better running form. Now the word ‘push’ actual slows me down – it makes me feel like I’m moving a grand piano while running.

“ChiRunning” Form

I lean slightly forward, land mid-foot with shoulders relaxed, and imagine my head touching the clouds (what if there are no clouds in the sky?) I feel awkward at first, but the training runs are becoming more relaxing.

Well, I believe that I’m ready for my ‘effortless’ 29 kilometre training run.

29 Kilometre Training Run

Having completed a 29 km training run, today, I can say I felt the ‘chi’ of running. Every time I had a moment of pain, suffering, and the urge to push a grand piano, I readjusted my body position and I felt light and fast. (And listening to Madeleine Peyroux – ‘Dance Me to the End of Love’ – helped smooth out the glitches.)

The Organized Bohemian and ‘Chi’

As the organized bohemian, ‘chi’ has been part of my philosophy all along – ‘effortless effort’.  I use my organized side to get out there and run, while I use my bohemian side to forget I’m organized (aka uptight) and run with ease.

Distance Running: it’s all in my head (mostly)

It’s all in my head. Running a marathon, that is. It’s in my legs too, but my head is in worse shape. If I can see the race in my head, I can get my legs to follow.

I see myself pinning on my bib number, looking for a free toilet and checking my shoelaces for the 3rd time. It is the start of the race. Runners surround me, I’m nervous, but excited. Jostling for position, I surge ahead of the crowd, find my 3:50 pace and make my time.

I believe my head is now focused, and the rest of the training is… easy?

The Goal is Boston

In order to qualify for the Boston Marathon, I need to run a time of 3:50 in the 2013 Vancouver Marathon. Having run a 4:05:08 in my last marathon, I only need to shave off 15 minutes and 8 seconds. Aaah, that’s fast!

This is the 7th time I will train for a marathon and the 2nd marathon I have pinned my Boston hopes on.

I struggle with my ‘organized bohemian’ philosophy. Today I need to hit my ‘bohemian’ side over the head. It’s sabotaging my ‘organized’ side. Pushing myself towards a fast time feels unsustainable, I’m starting to crumble under the pressure. My head is visualizing Boston, but my soul is dreaming of running in the Medoc region of France where the wine flows freely.

Marathon du Medoc

“Yes, Boston I need your challenge, but Marathon du Medoc I’m salivating to run you in the Bordeaux region of France – dressed in a silly costume and sipping red wine along the way.” A marathon for fun and frivolity is what I desperately want to do. With a maximum time limit of 6 1/2 hours to complete the marathon (remember: runners need extra time for wine sampling), this is the pace time I’m fantasizing about.

But, alas I must meet the Boston challenge once and for all.

19km Training Run

Sunday (Feb 17) was a 19km run on the seawall. A half-marathon race was in progress as I ran along my usual training route. Trying to keep a steady pace, I felt the speed of the racers passing me so I sped up. Transformed into a child running after a friend during a game of tag, I was lost in the act of racing. It was exhilarating.

Now I remember why I want to push for Boston.

Waves, Empty Escalators and Upstairs Neighbours

“Finger-like palm fronds sway in the breeze framing the ocean that reaches out to the end of the world – Bucerias – a small Mexican town that oozes relaxation. I listen to the splish-slosh-swish of waves as they bounce onto the shore, I am mellow.”

And Two Weeks Later…

Those have been the first lines of my draft blog post for the past two weeks. Sounding like a dull travelogue, I have hesitated to publish.

Since coming back from the tranquil paradise that was Bucerias, the mellowness has drained from me like the blood from a vampire’s victim. Trying to relive the experience I think about the lovely setting (beach, palm trees, colourful sunrises) and the warmth of the sun, but the sound of the waves. Yes, the sound made life feel easy.

Now back at my usual writing haunt, I sit at a beige desk on the 5^th floor of the Vancouver central library, and listen to the clattering of an empty escalator, feeling strangely calm.

Is it the quality or rhythm of the sound that makes it soothing?

Why does a sound soothe?

Maybe it’s the steady rhythm like a heartbeat that gives me a sense of harmony. Waves are in constant motion as is an escalator. After travelling great distances to escape to ocean front getaways, I have discovered that the sound of an empty escalator can be as rhythmic and calming as a perfect beach setting. Ok, so there isn’t any colour or heat, but still…

Why does a sound grate?

Veering to the opposite end of the soothing sound spectrum, my jaw locks as I hear the sounds of the upstairs neighbours, at all hours of the night. Jarred awake by ‘heel-walking’ giants wearing ski boots on a polished cement floor, I am tortured by the people above me. Reliving a scene from a spy thriller, I am the sweaty prisoner cowering in the corner covering her ears from the blaring sound.

Is it the actual sound that makes me tense or is it the lack of control over it?

I try to visualize myself back in Bucerias listening to the splish-slosh-swish of the waves. This isn’t working. Maybe I should invest in earplugs.

Marathon of the Brain

Day 4: I am still in shock that I have written for 4 days straight at 1,667 words/day.

Day 14: I am still writing. I have a headache, but I will persevere!

Day 20: Tangled in plot. Trying to keep the days and events straight – difficult, but fun.

Since writing 50,000 words in one month, I feel as if I have completed a marathon of the brain. Like running a marathon, it became an exercise of sheer will and determination. On day 28, my brain felt empty, but alive.

The challenge was simple – write. I logged on to the National Novel Writing Month website, entered my novel title, author specs and updated my word count daily. A group of strangers encouraged me with email pep talks and silly videos. It sounds ridiculous, but it was all I needed to keep writing.

Meeting a daily deadline of 1,667 words for 28 days, I now understand what it takes to be a writer.

Library Confession

The books stare down from the shelves inspiring and intimidating me at the same time. I think I hear them talking to me as well.

“Write a novel or at least 50,000 words in the month of November,” the books whisper to me.

“OK,” I reply.

So this month I’m taking the ‘write a novel in a month’  challenge during National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write at least 50,000 words in 30 days without going crazy.

Ahhh – I can’t find any words in my brain. Is this panic setting in?

Yes.

I’m taking a deep breath and I will begin my challenge on November 1st.

Here’s hoping my book finds a place on a shelf in a library somewhere in the world.

Is there more to Running than Black Toenails?

Yes.

As Larry the Lobster was reminded:

“run, run, Larry run, run for your life!”

I’m not saying I run for my life, but it’s more like I need running in my life. I need it like the cream in my coffee, or like the ketchup on my french fries. But the black toe nails I can do without.

What hasn’t been said about running?

How about running is an excuse to wear a trendy Lululemon outfit? Or how about – running rejuvenates me when I feel tired, lazy and slightly insane.

I got it. A good run is like a slap in the face. It wakes me up and shows me the possibilities of the day.

What would Larry David say?

I seem to be on a “Larry” tangent. I think he would say: “What, run? Why?”

Well, let’s see. I run:

1. To push myself to a level of discomfort that I didn’t think was possible. The pain of black toenails is like eating glass.
2. To set a goal of a race. As the Organized Bohemian, running is the embodiment of my philosophy. That is, being organized (prepare body for a specific running goal) and being bohemian (forget all the training and have fun during a race). It’s the perfect blend of structure and release – my favourite combo.
3. To know my body and not take it for granted. Training my body for a race turns me into a pseudo-Olympic athlete – even though I won’t win the race, I add a dose of competition and intensity to my life.
4. To motivate me to pursue tough brain challenges (“good” writing). Running is a great motivator. When I see what my body can do, I have more confidence in what my brain can do.

Back to “Larry the Lobster”

I’m rethinking Larry’s predicament. What if I actually had to “run for my life”? What if I were being hunted (Hunger Games style)? Could I outrun my hunters? Yes, I could. It’s a practical skill to be able to run 42.2 kilometres without stopping.

Bohemian Moment

On a perfect Wednesday in September in Vancouver, BC, I’m running along the Stanley Park Seawall – pure pleasure.